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If you won’t hold my hand now, will you ever be comfortable holding my hand in public?” “Normally I’d agree with you, but not today. There’s always someone watching,” Rebecca snaps, her desire to shut down this disagreement quickly clear in her tone. If you can’t even hold my hand under those circumstances, when will you hold my hand?” He says, his frustration and fear breaking forth from his lips. “Really, Rebecca? Our families know we’re together, and there weren’t many people around, no one who’d pay attention to us holding hands. “Ted, it’s not like that!” She cries, her voice tight with unstated emotion. “Rebecca, if you’re not okay with being friends in public, then you’re clearly not in a place where we can be ‘ friends ’ in private.” Turning back, Ted says, “I thought it was obvious?”, trying to portray a calmness he doesn’t feel. “Home!? Why?” Rebecca asks, the strain increasing in her voice. Ted is shaken out of his reverie by Rebecca’s words. They’re Ted and Rebecca, not Sam and Rebecca. Even if they don’t scream it to the world, he would like them to be open – if quietly – proud of who they are to one another. But he also needs Rebecca to acknowledge what they have, the importance of what they are to one another. He wants to reject those patterns, to refuse to permit the shadow of his old life to fall upon and influence his new life with Rebecca. He knows that Rebecca isn’t rejecting his love, but it feels like that, and his emotions follow old familiar paths of hurt. He couldn’t face that rejection again, and feel that soul-sickness from the shattering of his heart. What he felt for Michelle is a pale shadow of what he feels for Rebecca. Michelle loved him once too, and then her repudiation had led to him slowly being cut out of his own life, disconnected further from his own emotions and separated by a continent from his son. He knows that in any relationship there are ups and downs, but Rebecca’s rejection of his touch weighs heavy on his heart. He doesn’t want to upset Rebecca, but he is upset, and he doesn’t want to damage what they have or dismay either one of them further. “Home,” he tells her shortly over his shoulder. “Where are you going, Ted?” Rebecca asks, surprise tinged with worry in her voice. Ted had planned to spend the evening at Rebecca’s, but as they cross the checkered tiling of the footpath up to her door, his steps slow, and when they arrive at her doorstep, he doesn’t follow her in. The brightness of the day around them seeming to dim with this chink in the armour of their relationship. The conversation comes to a gradual halt between them, and, despite the warm day, the air feels cool between them. Rebecca tries to keep the conversation going with inane chatter about the history of the Green, the plants that are in season, and the origin of the name Richmond, and ordinarily, Ted would love to get caught up in conversation with Rebecca about these things, just enjoying passing the time together, sharing with one another and learning new things. But the way she refuses to make eye contact means that Ted knows that her actions are deliberate. Rebecca makes the effort to distract him with conversation, commenting on Shannon and her friends kicking a ball about on the Green. She quickly squeezes his hand before retracting her own from his grasp, shoving her hands roughly into her pockets to prevent him from reaching out to her again.
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Her hand is the perfect companion to his own, like two puzzle pieces connecting together, a flawless and singular fit for one another.
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So, while they are keeping their relationship private, Ted doesn’t think anything of it when he reaches out to take Rebecca’s hand as they walk across Richmond Park one sunny afternoon. Ted and Rebecca’s friends and families know that they are a couple.